This is a great introduction to a story I’d like to ready more of. I really like your character design and the bold design choices you made for this page. The center portrait and bottom-right “panel” seem to be influenced by graffiti which, I imagine, would be a good style choice for this story.
The only criticisms I have are that because the center and bottom-right are so much bolder than the other panels I got a bit lost drawing to follow the action. My eyes went: center, bottom-right, bottom-left, wait-what?, and THEN to the first panel. I think finding a way to make the first panel “pop” as much as the last would help a lot. Maybe add some more dark-blues to the character in that panel? (I get that he’s supposed to be made of water at that point, but he gets lost against the background.)
The text at the bottom is interesting, and it does a very thorough job explaining who this guy is and what’s going to happen in the story; but, presented all at once like that it’s a bit hard to read. Maybe spread out future blocks like this across a couple of pages?
I went for the nontraditional page with no panels T to B, L to R, with the center image being the 4th in line. My apologies for the confusion I will work to improve on the flow when I take this approach in the future. I agree the text is hard to read next time I will just put it outside the image as a caption, as well as making better use/choice of the typeface. This particular character is one of many already out there. The elemental aspect I haven’t really thought about, dont want to go the Avatar route, but it is interesting. Graffiti is something I am into and will show more of as the story progresses. Due to my schedule I may not post anything soon but I am DEFINITELY going to continue this story. Thanks for your comments, Paul. Keep in touch.
Hello! They asked for constructive criticism, so uh….
I really like your art style and your color palette, particularly the way the blue “follows” the character to suggest his connection to nature in the last bit of cityscape there. I do think, though, that you have quite a lot of text in quite a small space, it’s kind of hard to read and a lot to take in at once. I wonder if it could have been broken up and interspersed over the character actions? To bring the narrative back into the art, and make the wall of text a little more manageable? I don’t know! I don’t make webcomics. 😦
Yes, the characters I will be introducing are Mother Natures disciples in response to mankinds attack/indifference/abuse towards her. Thanks for your critique, square721bt.
I’m just a guy that likes webcomics allot, and I saw in the “Dresden Codak” update that you might like some feedback.
1st thing that bothers me is that the text is to small, and hard to read. Also there’s a lot of it, making it a good idea to separate it over several panels.
2nd the borders between panels are unclear, which can be confusing, remember nobody thinks or sees the world the way you do, so try looking at the comic from a different persons perspective.
3rd there is to much blue which is just not good for the esthetic, try adding different shades of blue.
Also its a common thought, an unwritten law of sorts that the left arrow means backwards, not following this makes your page a bit confusing
Overall i like the idea and I’m waiting for more comics. And sorry for the bad grammar, I no good inglish
I went for the nontradish page with no panels T to B, L to R, with the center image being the 4th in line. My appeeloggeegollees for the confusion I will work to improve on flow when take this approach agin. Next time I will use more than one primary color/shade. The navigation is something I have to discuss with wordpress rep. Thanks for your critique, Guy Some. me englsee bery goo yu lern ok
The text is rather hard to read when it is that small.
I agree Theo. Best.
The text is a bit hard to read. Maybe space it out a bit more. Your visuals are stunning, though, and your premise is interesting. Can’t wait to see where you go with this!
Yes, the text is difficult to read (see previous comments reply). Thanks for you comments Kate J.
This looks good. I like the flow of the water throughout the page. It brings it together. I’d recommend spacing the text out throughout, because a wall of text is simply intimidating to a reader, especially at the beginning of a story.
The art is really lovely, and the plot seems like an interesting one so far. I’ll be interested to see where you go from here, if you do continue.
Thanks for you recommendations Annabelle. I will definitely keep them in mind. Stay tuned.
I can’t tell which page is supposed to follow the other. Is the one with the description at the bottom the first page? Or the one with the construction equipment?
Dew date is page 1, Keep it moving is page 2. I gotta talk with a wordpress rep about navigation. Apologies LongshotLink..
I like your work.
I seem to be the minority here in enjoying the block of text at the bottom. It made it feel a bit more like a comic book, than just a webcomic.
However, +1 voice saying the text is a bit small. The second page seems to have more readable text however. 🙂 Keep up the good work.
I was going for that comic book vibe. Thanks Tom. More work soon y’all.